I am thinking hard lately about my position on baptism.
The two main positions (at least the two that I think have biblical merit) are “credobaptism” and “paedobaptism”.

Credobaptism basically says you have to have given some form of a profession of faith (belief in the “creed” of the gospel) before you are allowed to get baptised.

Paedobaptism says a child of a believing parent can legitimately be baptised as the parent commits to raising the child in the faith.

Both positions I see biblical support for and I probably will write a blog on my thoughts some time.

For now, I just want to have a laugh, and so if like me, you are still thinking about which position you should hold, I have created 10 alternatives that you may want to consider.

MY TEN ALTERNATIVES TO “CREDOBAPTISM” & “PAEDOBAPTISM”

1. “Speedobaptism” – Where you get baptised in the ocean at the beach and you are required to wear budgy-smugglers.

2. “Didobaptism” – Where, as you get pushed under water, you sing, “I will go down with this ship! I won’t put my hands up and surrender! There will be no white fl… blub blub blub.”

3. “Pleadobaptism” – Where the pastor won’t bring you up out of the water until he sees you pleading for air.

4. “Playdoughbaptism” – Where you get dunked into a giant plastic tub of bright orange moulding clay.

5. “Fidobaptism” – Where, after coming out of the water, you’re expected to shake your body to dry off, effectively baptising anyone else who is standing close by.

6. “Readobaptism” – Where you just read every theologian who wrote something about the nature and meaning of baptism, but you never actually get baptised yourself.

7. “TiVobaptism” – Where you get baptised as a baby but it gets recorded and you watch it on TV later when your old enough to make a profession of faith.

8. “Vetobaptism” – Where the UN decides no one is allowed to get baptised.

9. “Peedobaptism” – Where after you go under the water you relax and it gets all nice and warm.

10. “Greedobaptism” – Where you only get baptised because you are promised wealth and prosperity, or alternatively, where you dunk yourself quickly before Han Solo shoots you from under the table.

All valid perspectives. May we think and pray about what the bible says as we reach our own conclusion.

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